You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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