upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
