but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
