So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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