I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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