Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
