Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
