im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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