You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
