he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
