dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
