1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
