girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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