Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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