Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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