yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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