My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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