So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
stop calling my apartment porn island.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
