***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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