the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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