Im at strip club and am horny
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
from now on my penis is your penis
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
