Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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