Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize