This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
