Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
