i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
