She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
