And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
