If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize