3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize