you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
