i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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