I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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