it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize