i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
