i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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