i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
