The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
