My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
