you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
