I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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