i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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