Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize