In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
