SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
