Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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