she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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