hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
