CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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