No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
