ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
