They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
