I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
