Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Swine flu is the new snow day.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
