Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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