You're my little dorito
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Terrible idea I love it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
