His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
