i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Randomize
