dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The best revenge is premature balding
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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