just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
