i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
