When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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