I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
