Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
