do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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