i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
