the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize