it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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