who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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