The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
