They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
