ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
