my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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