Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize