ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
