He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize