Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
