I CAN MOONWALK!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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