So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
