it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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